Housekeeping

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Does having children mean your standards have to slip?

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

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I think I may have an illness.  I know it’s not OCD, I’m not that bad, but I do like to have a tidy house despite having three children at home and twice a month I have four.

I have a feeling it’s hereditary, from my Father’s side believe it or not!

My paternal grandmother is 86 years old, she lives in her own home and is the only one in the family who can afford to buy her groceries from M&S once a week, a habit which usually involves TWO trips into town by bus. She also has a cleaning routine that she’s stuck to for the last 66 years.

Mondays is Ironing, Tuesday is shopping in town, Wednesday’s is downstairs, Thursday’s is upstairs and Friday’s is the windows and cleaning the blinds. She does allow herself the weekends to have her hair done and go to church, after all cleanliness is next to godliness.

When she cleans, she cleans properly. The cooker and fridge get pulled out, the sofa cushions removed, the skirting boards are wiped down and the cat probably gets a shampoo and set at the same time. All this for one little old lady who lives on her own.

This cleaning habit has rubbed off on my Dad. I’m sure my Mum thought she’d struck gold when she met him. He’s the only man I know who will willingly mop the kitchen floor, do his own ironing, dust the house and clean the loo. Thursday’s were always his day off and I clearly remember him happily buzzing around cleaning while my Mum sat in the garden sunning herself. Honest!

When my Mum was ill, I went ’round to do her ironing. Some of my dads things were in the basket, nothing major, just PJ’s and some work shirts. When he rang to see how Mum was I cheerfully told him I’d done his ironing and put it away. The phone went silent…’Er…did you put the creases back in the sleeves of my shirt?’ Nope, they were jersey polo shirts for goodness sake. Needless to say the clothes came out of the drawers and back in the ironing basket. ‘Told you not to touch them’ Said my Mum.

Unfortunately the cleaning bug has been passed onto me, which wouldn’t be a problem except I get so stressed about it.

I have to admit that the two older boys are pretty neat and they’ve been very well trained in tidying up after themselves.

The problem is baby and I hate to say it, my other half.

First off I’d totally forgotten what it’s like to have a toddler. I’d forgotten jam hand prints on the patio doors, car keys in the bin, cereal tipped on the floor. I do my best to leave it all alone until he goes off to his bed before I tidy, but what do I do about a 40 year old man who can’t pick up after himself?

Actually, that’s a bit cruel, he is getting better and is ‘trying’ his best to help out with the housework although he draws the line at cleaning the loo.

Things finally came to a head a few Saturdays ago. My boys were asking their usual clutch of five thousand questions, when I shouted at the top of my voice…’Just so you all know, I will NOT be in a good mood until you let me finish cleaning this *!!!*$% house!’

So, in light of my realisation that I may have a problem, I have three main issues and I’d love to know what you think.

  1. At no point did I ever agree to be responsible for the all the housework.
  2. I work from home, yet why is my work is usually left until after the washing has been put on/ ironed/ hung out/dishwasher emptied/bathroom cleaned…etc.etc.
  3. Should I really let it bother me?

I’d dearly love to know how other Mums deal with this as if my friends are anything to go by, it’s a problem for others.

Oh and P.S Why do I always make the dinner?

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Snot and Sofas

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009
A bit like my sofa, without green splodges!

Like my sofa but without green splodges.

Last year I bought a sofa from DFS.

I say bought, but I guess if I’m totally honest, I’ve actually borrowed it. You see I got it on one of their buy now and pay nothing for 12 months deal.

I thought this was the perfect way to get the sofa I wanted before Christmas and with a whole 12 months to save up I’d be able to pay it all off in one go.

My idea has almost worked, I did get the sofa I wanted but so far I’ve saved exactly £0.00 towards the cost. Hmmm…something’s gone wrong here.

Because I’ve got it in my head that it’s borrowed until I pay in October, I’m paranoid about the kids eating on it, sitting on it or even just being near it. Once it’s paid for, they can do what they like, but for the time being they have strict instructions to stay away with anything that resembles food or liquid.

Up until now it’s all gone to plan, until this morning. Sitting there on one of my luxurious chocolate brown, memory foam, chenille sofa cushions was a glistening, sticky trail of snot! And there was another on the arm, and another on the matching cushion. It looked like a family of slugs had broken in during the night and spent a few hours crawling over the settee. What was going on!!!!

It was then that I was aware of a very small person standing behind me. I looked down and recieved a big grin topped by a lurid green layer of thick mucus. ‘Ma!’ he shouted as he clambered up onto sofa using the most ingenious method of pressing his face into the sofa, swinging his body and legs up and then deftly wiping his snot encrusted nose all over the cushion cover as he bought himself upright.

And there he sat, not a drop of snot on his face because it was ALL OVER MY SOFA!

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

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