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Like my sofa but without green splodges.

Last year I bought a sofa from DFS.

I say bought, but I guess if I’m totally honest, I’ve actually borrowed it. You see I got it on one of their buy now and pay nothing for 12 months deal.

I thought this was the perfect way to get the sofa I wanted before Christmas and with a whole 12 months to save up I’d be able to pay it all off in one go.

My idea has almost worked, I did get the sofa I wanted but so far I’ve saved exactly £0.00 towards the cost. Hmmm…something’s gone wrong here.

Because I’ve got it in my head that it’s borrowed until I pay in October, I’m paranoid about the kids eating on it, sitting on it or even just being near it. Once it’s paid for, they can do what they like, but for the time being they have strict instructions to stay away with anything that resembles food or liquid.

Up until now it’s all gone to plan, until this morning. Sitting there on one of my luxurious chocolate brown, memory foam, chenille sofa cushions was a glistening, sticky trail of snot! And there was another on the arm, and another on the matching cushion. It looked like a family of slugs had broken in during the night and spent a few hours crawling over the settee. What was going on!!!!

It was then that I was aware of a very small person standing behind me. I looked down and recieved a big grin topped by a lurid green layer of thick mucus. ‘Ma!’ he shouted as he clambered up onto sofa using the most ingenious method of pressing his face into the sofa, swinging his body and legs up and then deftly wiping his snot encrusted nose all over the cushion cover as he bought himself upright.

And there he sat, not a drop of snot on his face because it was ALL OVER MY SOFA!

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!